I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
