You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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