you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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