i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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