So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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