I didn't shave. On purpose
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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