I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
