i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
