I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
