Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need moral support for this bender
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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