I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
