I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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