Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
