just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Houston, we have a squirter
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
