dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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