People in love make me want to vomit
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
