the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
