Me too!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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