DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
