Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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