Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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