Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
