you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
