she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
