I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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