oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
