she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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