I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
