Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
