I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this will be a night to untag.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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