I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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