sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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