I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
