can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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