She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
