When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
