You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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