can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
