some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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