The maid of honor just puked.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
