I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
