if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
