Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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