Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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