When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
