4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize