I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
