Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
