Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
