I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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