And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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