There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
