even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize