remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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