ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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