no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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