I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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