I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
