What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
