I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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