Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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