There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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