like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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