dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
