Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
