Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
