Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
