you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
