Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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