Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
