Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
