he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
