your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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