A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
