Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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